PANSITLOVE

Ang Filipino Ay Wika Ng Mang-mang - James Soriano

2011-08-26T22:19:00.018+08:00

I don't know what the online editor of Manila Bulletin has been snorting lately that he allowed the proposterously prejudiced ramblings of a self-indulgent, arrogant elitist, James Soriano, be posted on their news site.

Maybe Soriano is dying to know how it feels to stick his own foot so far his ass that he could taste the dirt under the nail of his big toe that he decided to write the most tasteless and probably the crudest attack on Filipino language that I've read or heard, bar none. Ang tingin ni Soriano, ang Filipino ay wika ng mga mang-mang, bobo o ng mga magnanakaw.

Here's a snippet of Soriano's article "Language, Learning, Identity, Privilege":

"Filipino is the language of the streets: how you spoke to the tindera when you went to the tindahan, what you used to tell your katulong that you had an utos, and how you texted manong when you needed sundo na.

If we need to communicate with these people - or otherwise avoid being mugged on the jeepney, we should learn Filipino.

Filipino maybe the language of identity, it is the language of the streets. It might have the capacity to be the language of learning, but it is not the language of the learned."

Some of you are maybe wondering with all the goddamn problems this country is facing, why in hell am I spending precious internet time and space for this bullsh*t and why am I hitting Soriano if he was just stating a fact. I know, he's just sharing his observation based on his experiences. But I ask you, does he need to be a huge bigoted assf*ck to tell those? Yes, the Atenean is probably one of the best young mind this country has but why does he need to reboot his uneventfully lame 2008 article with the same topic to send his message across?

KSP na KSP: Kulangot Sa Pader na Kulang Sa Pansin. Hindi gaanong kotrobersyal ang artikulo niya dati kaya sinulat niya ng mas pabalang, mas mapanghusga at bastos. Sabihin ninyo kay kuya, hindi ganyan ang dadaism.

Kung gusto niyang magpasikat, pumunta siya sa Showtime at magbigay ng sampol.

Manila Bulletin took off the article from its website following waves of negative comments against the article. It has yet to issue a statement a statement of any kind. Meanwhile, Soriano was forced to delete his Twitter account for obvious reasons.

Congratulations to that self-repeating, unimaginative and unorginal asshole, James Soriano. He is now the biggest Pinoy internet ass-clown since Chr... ok, that dude who drove his car in floodwater. He's probably having his victory masturbation using his english-tagalog dictionary in front of his dog right now.

Happy now, Mr. James Soriano? You got your 15 minutes.

"Ani Simoun: Kayo'y nakalilimot na habang ang isang bayan ay may sariling wika, napapanatili rin nito ang kanyang paglaya. Ang wika ay isang pag-iisip ng bayan."

- from Ang Pilibusterismo, ni Dr. Jose Rizal, nilimbag ng F. Meyer van Loo Pressm 1891

Pssst! Pssst! DeeBeeDee?

2011-08-20T10:08:00.007+08:00

I bet each and everyone who reads this blog had a bite on the forbidden fruit of piracy in more ways than one. We have illegally streamed, downloaded, sold and bought pirated music, games, software, television series and movies more times than we can deny doing it. Because of the piracy boom in the city, words like "deebeedee", "mubi", "kumpedyum", "seris", "jap", "iskandal" and "mantuman" have been added to our street lingo.

TALKING ABOUT KILL JOY

But since the Manila City Government had their campaign against pirated DVDs intensified, places like Quiapo, Divisoria, Morayta and Harrison Plaza are now more or less "Pirated DVD" free. Former pirated dvd stalls were forced to close down or sell different products. Places once bustling with Optical Media Board (OMB) headaches are now lifeless cheap clothing lanes if not ghost towns.

photo from here

It's the end of an era.

I remember when I was in high school, I succumbed to the temptation that is piracy when I bought my first pornogra... I mean video game at Orient Pearl along Recto...

DON'T GET ME WRONG

I think most of us agree that piracy is a crime. Ripping off and illegally using products is the highest for of intellectual property offense. Don't get me wrong, piracy is not isolated in the Philippines (but if you insist that it is, go home and f**k your mom you ungrateful bastard!), it is an international phenomenon and a profitable criminal enterprise. Some even connect it to other organized crime such as illegal arms-trade, human trafficking and illegal drugs.

If it's illegal, why do we buy it still? Because bad is good! Hahahaha! If they only make pornogr... este video games more available and much less cheaper... just finish my sentence (you probably know more original BS. Hehehehe!)

GOOD BYE, MANONG, GOODBYE!

The following is my humble way of paying tribute to the passionate men and women who never gave up to till we realize that buying their pirated deebeedee would make our lives a little bit bearable with just P30 kung mubi... P40 kung seris at P60 kung kumpedyum:

Manong DBD 1

Manong 1: Ser, maganda 'to, one thousand (1,000) BC. Trenta lang.

Marvin: Kinse na lang, kulang naman ng 9,000 years eh.

Manong DBD 2

Marvin: Meron ka bang "Dog Whisperer"?

Manong 2: Meron, Ser! "Marley and Me"!

Manang DBD 1

Manang 1: Beh! Meron kaming 300 Days of Summer!

Marvin: Ano yan, love story?

Manang 1: Hindi, beh! Patayan!

Manang DBD 2

Manang 2: Ser, mantuman

Marvin: Aanhin ko naman yan, barenahan yan

Manang 2: Oo nga naman. Heto, ser, bukaka (bukakke)

Marvin: Ayos mga porno mo puro ta***.

Manang 2: Hahahaha! Award kasi eh, puro boys.

Marvin: Wala ka bang action?

Manang 2: Heto ser! Ronnie Ricketts!

photo by J. De Jesus

Art: Dick On The Holy Face

2011-08-16T18:17:00.006+08:00

Visual artist Mideo Cruz and his installation "Poleteismo" is at the center of probably the biggest controversy in the Philippine art scene since the awarding of the title "National Artist" to comic book author extraordinaire and massacre movies stalwart Carlo J. Caparas.

Photo from here

Launched in June 17, Cruz's work was part of an exhibit entitled "Kulo" shown in the Cultural Center of the Philippines (CCP) Main Gallery. The exhibit was part of CCP's celebration of Jose Rizal's 159th birthday, it was supposed to run until August 21 but was forced to shut down on August 9 amidst heated critisms from various religious groups, influential (but sexually deprived) personalities, face-time hungry politicians and just about anyone who feels qualified to talk about art, including a multi-awarded, wholesome comedian and senator, Vicente Sotto III (Laban-laban! Bawi-bawi!).

BLASPHEMY?

Included in Cruz's work were an image of Christ with Mickey Mouse ears and bright red dildo and a mixed-media collage with a penis ashtray pasted on a poster of Christ.

Photo from here

According to CCP Chairperson, Emily Abrera, "Kulo" is "shock art" and explicitly solicits awe from its audience. Abrera suggests that artists featured in the exhibit should be given a chance to explain their art. She also added that the CCP should continue to be a venue for artist like Cruz to express their art.

The Senate committee on education, arts and culture held a legislative inquiry regarding the controversial art show. Invited were Mideo Cruz, CCP officials, members of the art community and the academe. Cruz did not attend the proceedings.

National Artist for Literature, Dr. Francisco Sionil Jose said that Cruz's "Poleteismo" was an attempt by an immature and juvenile artist to express himself.

INTELLECTUAL MASTURBATION

In an academic forum held at the University of the Philippines, Mideo Cruz lamented, "I was not aware that my art is that offensive. I was not informed. It's like people were just their waiting for me to paste that penis ashtray on Jesus' face."

President Aguino was reportedly disappointed about the "Kulo" exhibit that he ordered Sec. Leila Delima to place Mideo Cruz and his phallic objects under immigration watch list.

The University of Santo Tomas (UST) set a Guiness record for the world's largest human cross. Three were speculations that the human cross was made to counter the "blasphemous" art exhibit of Mideo Cruz together with other UST visual artists. UST officials call it "Bore Art".

In an interview with dzMM anchor, Jobert Sucaldito, National Artist Carlo J. Caparas said that art and freedom has to have boundaries and should be expressed responsibly. The punchline is the title "National Artist" in front of "Carlo J. Caparas".

Pro-Life Philippines, a Roman Catholic group, said that it will pursue legal actions against CCP officials and the people behind "Kulo". Complaints will be filled before the Ombudsman and Pasay City Prosecutor's Office, together with cases against the proponents of the RH Bill, the PCSO officials who exposed the SUV fiasco and all those they thought did the Roman Catholic Chruch wrong, including Martin Luther, the German priest who initiated the Protestant Movement.

ART IMITATING LIFE

So I guess this is also freedom of expression:

"Art (according to Mideo Cruz)" by Marvin G. aka Pansitlove

In August 2009, the Supreme Court issued a status quo order deferring the conferment of 2009 nominees for National Artist Award including Carlo J. Caparas. In other news, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo is now a Pampanga Congresswoman, Lito Lapid is still a senator and Coco Pimentel was proclaimed senator after the resignation of Miguel Zubiri. Yaaamee!

Mideo Cruz, together with other artist featured in the "Kulo" exhibit used a form of abstract art called "Dada". Dada aims to critique social, political and cultural norms through "shocking" ridicule of prevailing art standards and norms.

He said, she said that Cruz's "Poleteismo" is a statement against our society's worship of money, power, movie stars, America and others while claiming to be monotheistic Catholic. Speaking for myself, it is offensive, alright but if the aim of the art technique is to be offensive, then it was a success. Pinatunayan lang nito na totoo ang kritisismo ipinapahayag ng Poleteismo, biruin mo, yung mga politko na wala ng masakyan na issue, sinakyan to.

Philippine Dragonboat Team Should Hit Peping's Chin With A Paddle

2011-08-09T02:09:00.019+08:00

Inspired by clean waters and cheers from the American Filipino community, against all odds, the Cobra-Philippine Dragon Boat Team dominated the recently concluded International Dragon Boat Federation 10th World Championships in Tampa Bay, Florida, besting every well-funded paddlers from all-over the world. The Pinoy Dragon Warriors defended their 2007 and 2009 crown by winning 5 gold medals including a new world record in the 1000 meters small boat category... in spite of Peping Cojuangco, the Philippine Sports Commission (PSC) and the Philippine Olympic Committee (POC).

With no support from the government (even denouncing their status as national athletes) and after managing to scrounge support from the private sector, the small contingent from the Philippine Dragonboat Federation pushed through to Florida and proved that a sports fedaration doesn't need to kiss Peping Cojuangco's chin to be the World Champs.

OPPRESSED BY BABALU

The Philippine Dragon Boat Team was stripped off of its national athlete status after the Philippine Olympic Committe (POC) and the Philippine Sports Commission (PSC) withdrew all forms of support for the team allegedly because the Philippine Dragon Boat Federation (PDBF), the organization that handles the Dragon Warriors, was not in good terms with POC Chair Peping Conjuangco. Cojuangco allegedly wanted his own men seated in PDBF. In June, during the critical stages of practice for the up coming World Championships, POC and PSC directed the team to vacate the docks and surrender the boats.

PADDLING AWAY TO WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN NEXT

In the World Championships, the Philippine Dragon Boat team bagged 5 gold medals, one of which was in the Premier 1000m event (small boat) for setting a world record time of 04:57.130 tying that of Senator Lito Lapid in time spent in the senate premises during his previous 6-year term.

The rift between Philippine Dragon Boat Federation and POC/PSC started when PDBF officials rejected the move of POC Chair Peping Cojuangco to place one of his men in the PDBF Board who turned out to be Christopher Lao.

According to Marcia Cristobal, President of PDBF, there was no doubt in her mind that the Dragon Warriors will win the World Championship despite all odds. She added that nothing can prepare a dragon boat team better than twice a day practice in murky waters of Manila Bay and questionable leadership from POC and PSC.

In a press conference POC Chair Peping Cojuangco extends his apology to PDBF and the Philippine Dragon Warriors for stripping them off of their national athlete status. Cojuangco said angrily, "I wasn't informed. Nobody said stop. It's like people were just waiting for me to just do that (commit an epic fail)."

After learning that Peping Cojuangco tried sticking his nose on PDBF, Justice Secretary Leila De Lima immediately placed Cojuangco's chin on immigration watch list.

It's amazing that despite the POC alleged oppression of PDBF, the Philippine Dragon Boat Team has managed to do extremely well in the World Championships. POC now plans to also strip off Smart Gilas Basketball and Team Pilipinas Azkals Football of national athlete status.

MY ONE PESO IN EXCHANGE FOR MANILA BAY TRASH

Que music:

"Kay dilim at kay ginaw sa kalawakan ng dagat. Ubod lakas kung humiyaw ang galit na hanging habagat..."

The success of the Philippine Dragon Boat Team is a dramatic story of triumph against adversity; of never giving up despite of continuing challenges (thrown by POC and PSC) and of true love for the sport of dragon boat racing.

"... Ating liliparin, may harang mang sibat. Ating tatawirin, daluyong ng dagat..."

It is heartbreaking that these champions had to sell trash that they've collected in Manila Bay to sustain their training. In one of the international competition held in Boracay, these champions had to sleep in public school rooms, while lesser teams from other countries sleep in hotel rooms. Stripped off of their funding, these champions still fought for the glory of their country and refused to be victims of maneuverings of power-hungry politicians.

These champions deserve our support. Ipaalam natin sa gobyerno na hindi karapat-dapat ang trato nila sa mga bayaning tulad ng Philippine Dragon Boat Team.

"...Basta't kasama mo ako, iisang bangka tayo. Anuman ang mithiin ay makakamtan natin..."

ISANG BANGKA by THE DAWN

Sensya, Asia Brewery (makers of Cobra Energy Drink), wala akong maisip na mas bagay na kanta eh. Hehehehe!

All photos were taken from Philippine Dragon Boat Federation Facebook Fan Page. Do not forget to "Like" them.

All Apologies

2011-08-05T20:36:00.013+08:00

I was so overwhelmed with what I thought that time was a display of utter stupidity and misplaced arrogance that it compelled me to converse with many people... including a comelec offici... este... Ehem! ... and blog about what I was feeling during that time.

I recognize that writing my previous blog entry was a lapse in judgment. I am sorry.

Nagagambala ako. Maliwanag na may kakulangan sa wastong pagpapasya ang nangyaring pagsulat ng blog entry. Pinagsisisihan ko ito ng lubos. Pinangangatawanan ko ang aking panulat ngunit humihingi ako ng paumanhin sa iyo - sa iyo na malamang ay napaglaruan ng pagkakataon, maling pagpapasya at ng news crew ng GMA 7 na baka pinagmukha kang tanga at arogante, totoo man ito o hindi. Ibig kong tiyakin sa iyo na magsisikap akong maging mas maging mahinahon at maunawain sa pagsusulat tungkol sa mga bagay na nakita kong karapat-dapat punahin.

photo from here

I want to close this chapter and move on with the business entertaining the avid readers of this blog (numbering to 5, excluding my Mom, my girlfriend and my bestfriend). I want to ask each and everyone who reads this blog (kapuso, kapamilya and kapatid) to join hands with me in a show of unity and campaign for a bully-free cyberspace where everyone is safe and not insulted no matter how stupid one's actions or misplaced one's arrogance could be. No one is sure if media distorts the truth or not. The Filipino presence in cyberspace is strong and getting stronger, the progress is steady and I ask you to walk with me in this journey of bully-free internet advocacy.

I remain your humble servant and I promise you that I will fulfill my duties as a responsible writer and blogger to the best of my abilities.

Parts of the this entry were taken and edited from former President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo's "I am sorry" speech during the height of the "Hello Garci" controversy.

Flood. Stupidity. Social Media

2011-08-04T23:35:00.013+08:00

As of the moment, there are probably a hundred thousand insults, judgments and ridicule posted in cyberspace against Lao's actions, including 7 of my tweets, 2 of my FB status changes and an online conversation with an acquaintance (who was apparently Lao's friend).

Christopher Lao, a former UP law student, woke up this morning only to find out that he is now a local internet sensation that would rival the fame of Charice Pempengco.In fact, he became the 8th trending topic on Twitter, worldwide. No, it's not because he has an astonishing singing voice but because he exhibited uncanny stupidity and misplaced arrogance on camera.

WHAT HAPPENED

Lao's sudden rise to fame began when he decided to cross the deep section of the flooded Mother Ignacia Avenue. It just so happens that a GMA7 news crew was there to get every detail on newscam and ending it with an interview when Lao finally crosses the flood water (with help from bystanders who pushed his car).

JUN VENERACION (GMA): "Di mo ba narealize na ganun siya kalalim?"
CHRISTOPHER LAO: "Wala, kasi tignan mo, who will tell me? Who will tell me? Really. Did you guys even tell me?"
JUN VENERACION (GMA): "Ah, well andito kami (sa kabilang side). Nasurprise nga kami nung bigla kang lumusong (lumutang)."

He blamed the government for not having street signages, warnings and traffic personnel. He blamed the news crew for not helping him out when he and his car was floating in the middle of the flood. He blamed the bystanders for not warning him that the floodwater is deep. If he could blame his parents for not giving him an amphibious car, I bet he would. He blamed everyone except himself.

Photo from here

WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPENED AFTER

Against all that is logical (in driving and in life in general), Lao decided to challenge the deep flood waters because he had his car waxed early this morning. The wax says: Water Resistant. He was misinformed. Unfortunately, he failed to include in his blame list the manufacturer of his car wax.

"Sinigaw pa nga namin sa kanya na wag siyang tanga kasi malalim, pero nilusong pa din niya yung baha." - according to the bystanders who saw Lao drive his car through flood waters.

In a follow-up interview, Lao said that he also blames Batman.

GMA News maintains that they are in no way responsible for the cyber-bullying against Lao. GMA News blames Lao's common sense for being absent when needed the most.

After Sen. Miguel Zubiri reiterated he was not in anyway involved in the alleged 2007 poll fraud, Atty. Koko Pimentel reacted: "Sabihin mo yan sa lumutang na kotse ni Christopher Lao."

MY SAY ON THIS

Did Christopher Lao's eyes fail him? Or did everything that is logical escaped him when he decided to challenge the floodwater? Just asking.
Lao is the subject of ridicule primarily because of his arrogance and condescension. His act of driving through the flood (how stupid that was) could have been taken lightly by the public. But his intent to save face made him look like an arrogant fool. Let this be a lesson about the proper use of common sense and humility.

PS: Toyota did not release an amphibious variant of its Altis line. You are now informed.

Why Start Another Blog, Marv? Why?

2011-07-10T16:20:00.009+08:00

So I started another blog. I know it's ridiculous because I can't even update this one regularly. We live in a culture of excess. Lets just say I'm just making myself a living proof of that, and with its infinity, adding another trash in the internet wouldn't really hurt it, right? Hahahaha! I just want to write about my passion which is obviously, PANSIT.

I believe that this blog is not anymore conducive for highlighting my passion for food, specifically, noodles (naks!). And I find it exciting that I got my blogging groove back, might as well milk it to the last drop.

The new blog is not really a food blog, but a Pansit Blog. (The idiot, Pansitlove, finally decided to do a blog about pansit!). I new blog is about the history, the variety, the colors and the best places to go to have a plate (or bowl) of Pansit. I would also reveal the locations of Manila's best kept noodle secrets, throw in some of my noodle recipes and review some of the imported and local instant noodles (in pouches or in cups).

I could go on about the new blog or you could just find it for yourselves at:

THE PANSIT PROJECT (and I did not copy the title from Glee, FYI).

And for those of you who read this blog (seriously, why do you even do that?), I will still be updating this blog regularly with my signature emo stories, bad commentary and even worse comedy.

Seriously, Half A Year?

2011-07-05T08:23:00.007+08:00

I know! I know! It's been that long. And I know some of you (like my cousin, Irene, from Las Vegas) have been dying to see me get out of that slump and write another blog entry again. I can tell you different scenarios on why I haven't written anything the past half a year but honestly, I am not that creative a liar. I don't have an excuse besides being lazy.

I've mentally written several blog posts in my head (I tell you, don't do a mental blog post while driving. It almost got me killed, I tell you!) but I never actually sat down and wrote them. But I changed the header of this blog twice. Hehehehe! Ok na yun, di ba?

Today is my birthday. ("Who cares?", you might ask.)

I want to start sharing how great this year has been so far. I've never had this good a year since 2007. I'm still shaking off the blogging rust. I am not a writer neither a comedian. But today I am determined to cast the demon of procrastination away because God has been very good to me in 2011. The only way I can give back is to write about the wonderful experiences He's been guiding me through. He has been so awesome to me, He even gave me an advanced birthday present way back February 7, 2011. He gave me the strength to tell this line:

"Mark this day, because on February 7 next year, we'll be celebrating our 1st anniversary."

And because of that, after almost 10 years, we finally are together. Thank God, I have a lifetime to make up for that 10 years.

I love you, Peps.
(di na makatulog... di na makakain... sa kakaisip sa'yo, tigyawat dumadami...)

I Love Free Christmas Stuff

2011-01-14T01:57:00.014+08:00

Hi!

I'm sure most of you are still in the Christmas groove: your decors are still up and you are still consuming left-over free stuff like holiday ham and edam cheese for breakfast and merienda. Aren't free Christmas stuff intense!? And you know why? Because they are free. Free stuff during Christmas are intensely awesome! (Yes! This entry is full of "free" and "stuff". Hehehe!)

photo taken from here

I love corporate giveways - notebooks, pens, organizers, mugs, umbrellas, alarm clocks, bimpo, car stickers, edible underwear - any item with corporate logo and slogan on it. Name it, I want it.

OFFICEMATE 1: "Oceanic Lines t-shirt, NMC jacket, Lorenzo Shipping watch, Maersk handbag, Negros Navigation cap... Marv, what were you snorting when you decided to wear every freebie you got from clients last Christmas?"
MARVIN: "Tell me, I look great di ba? Panalo."
OFFICEMATE 1: "Yes. You turned yourself into a walking ad, you corporate giveaways whore. We should get Bench or F&H (as clients) so next year you wouldn't be as silly looking."
MARVIN: "Kahit na, I still won't be wearing those if ever..."
OFFICEMATE 1: "Why?"
MARVIN: "I'll be doing the Shipping lines theme again next year."

Christmas raffles are exciting as the last part of "Dude Where's My Car". There's this feeling of satisfaction and pride every time my number is called to receive a random prize.

VALERIE:"Marv! They picked your number!... Oh but it's the fruitcake you gave for the raffle."
MARVIN:"Oo nga noh! I should claim it!" (stands and claims his prize)
VALERIE:"Bakit mo pa kinuha yung prize? Just give it back so another one can claim it."
MARVIN:"Ayaw ko nga! Hindi na nila isasama yung number ko sa bunutan eh. And besides, how many times can you say that you won a prize in a corporate Christmas party raffle draw... "

I am a sucker for these freebies because I really love using them.

OFFICEMATE 2: "OMG, Marv! Why the hell are you using that in your coffee?!"
MARVIN: "Eh wala ng creamer eh, since I got it from a client, might as well use it right? And besides, it is milk."
OFFICEMATE 2: "Yes it is but it's an Infant Formula Milk!"

Advanced Merry Christmas and Happy 2012 to us all!

My Sitcom-like Past Two Weeks

2010-12-22T23:34:00.010+08:00

The past couple of weeks had been highlighted by straight-out-of-sitcom dialogues and silly punchlines:

BOOBS
Kat: "Dude! I'm setting you up on a date. She's cute, really funny, a vegetarian..."
Marvin: "Whoah! Vegetarian?! I love my beef too much. Pass muna."
Kat: "Wait! Let me finish kasi. She loves the beach, does that fire dancing thing and has big boobs!"
Marvin: "So, when's the date?"
Kat: "Perv!"
---
Valerie: "Sarah took this maturely and discreetly.Why on earth would you side with that palengkera,Cristine Reyes?"
Marvin: "Boobs! Duh!
Some Epal Gal: "True! Don't stoop down sa level ng isang palengkera tulad ng Cristine Reyes na yun!
Valerie (to Some Epal Gal): "Did we ask for your f*cking opinion? Huh?!

HOOKING-UP
Valerie: "You know what? You suck. Do you really have to get an alcohol fix before you can talk to women?"
Marvin: "Yes. I'm the cuddlier version of Raj Koothrappali (from The Big Bang Theory)."
---
Valerie: "Wow! Your friend got married. Di ba, sabi mo he's gay."
Marvin: "He is."
Valerie: "Who's gay again? Because he's married now and you're not."

TWITTER
Valerie: "Para kayong tangang dalawa(Tin and I), magkatabi na nga kayo, sa Twitter pa kayo naguusap."
Tin: "Paano mo nalaman na nag-uusap kami sa Twitter, aber?
---
Tin to Marvin: "Follow (on Twitter) ko din ba si Cristine Reyes?"
Valerie to Marvin: "See, you've turned her into a monster."
Marvin to Valerie: "Shut up Sarah-lover!"
---
Marvin: "May iPad ka pala? Ngayon ko lang nakita yan ah."
Tin: "Cristmas present ni Val saken, binili niya for me kanina."
Marvin:"Don't tell me you guys slept together already..."

GIRL-POWER
Valerie: "Why are watching a non-porn Katrina Halili movie again?"
Marvin: "At tinatawag mo ang sarili mong peminista?"
Tin: "Shhh! Ang ingay! Nanunuod ako!"
---
(My co-worker, Bok is looking at a picture of a male and a female)

Marvin: "Ok ha,papicture sa kama ang magsyota at mukhang bagong gising. Sigurado ako nagdalihan yan buong gabi. Teka, sino ba yung chick?"
Bok: "Anak ko. Malditang yun!"

The End

My Mom is on Facebook

2010-11-22T13:37:00.001+08:00

And I'm back.

Ok. I don't promise that I am "back!" back but I posted 2 new entries before this, and this is my third, so I think I'm "grandslam" back.

There were people asking (like 3 of you) so here I am, or at least till I get pussy and Lebron James-y again and go prima donna on your asses: "What should I do?" (coz I feel really almighty and important now, bitch! I really suck at this. Hahaha!)

So lately, I learned that my mom was already on Facebook.

Since joining, she immediately posted three dozen baby photos of my siblings and I, linked twenty-four sites about the connection of premarital sex to extra-terrestrial abduction (pre-marital sex is bad, people!), befriended two of my ex-girlfriends and liked the new Noynoy Aquino-Liz Uy fan page.

Just kidding. My mom is way cooler than that.

But I still could not help but feel a sense of dread when my mother tried "friending" me on Facebook. (I love you Ma and you should be proud of me for being honest) This is like the sinking feeling I recalled having as a 16 year old teenager being caught in his room doing the hanky-panky with his girlfriend!

I maybe 24 years old (ehem!) but there are always things that you don't want to tell your mom, right?

photo taken from here

5 Things You Should Not Say On Facebook Because Your Mom Is Probably Stalking You:

1. "You're very good in making me cry! Happy???"
- or any other emosh*t regarding how sucky your lovelife is, especially if your mom knows your boyfriend/girlfriend. Conversations about relationships need to be kept private. Getting personal in public damages reputation and creates more emosh*t... now with your mom involved.

2. "My girl's in the next room, sometimes I wish she was you. I guess we never really moved on"
- I tell you, not unless your mom is music savvy, she'll never get that your status message was from a song. She'd probabably take it literally.

3. "2 more minutes. Can't wait to go home. I hate this boring job"
- Whatever you write can always get back to the person you're writing about and will probably get back and kick your ass. Spare your mom from the disappointment she'd feel if she finds out that her stupid kid got fired from work because of a stupid status message.

4. "I like it on the hood of the car at the mall parking space"
- I know this is for the Breast Cancer Awareness Month campaign but seriously, you think your mom would believe that?

5. "Oh Crap! My Mom joined Facebook!"
- Seriously, do I really need to explain this further?

When Pacman Stopped A Tornado

2010-11-15T10:20:00.010+08:00

photo taken from here

"The Philippine National Fist" Manny Pacquiao once again proved that he is the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world as he demolished his opponent, Tetsutora Senrima of Japan to win the vacant WBC super welterweight championship and an unprecedented 8-Division world title.

Pacquiao beat Tetsutora black and blue as Pacquiao negated Tetsutora's height, reach and power advantage using his lightning speed and quickness in front of more that 50 thousand fight fans at the Dallas Cowboy Stadium in Arlington, Texas.

Pacquiao was able to get in and out of Tetsutora's defenses to deliver stinging jabs and ...

"Ano?"

"It wasn't Tetsutora?"

"Then, who did Pacquiao fight yesterday?"

"Eh? Antonio Margarito? The Mexican Mr. Cinderblock Guy?"

"I thought this dude was Japanese. Hahaha!"

photo taken from here

"I thought it was Tetsutora Senrima or Yoshihiro Akiyama... whatever."

Anyway, Pacquiao won by unanimous decision. Obviously.

Oh yeah, Floyd Mayweather, stop being a chicken sh*t.

Last Goodbye to NU107... 2 Days After

2010-11-10T09:42:00.003+08:00

Today, is the second day since the last broadcast of NU107 and it's my turn to tell you my NU story.

"Once upon a time, there's this guy who walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter..."

Ok, not that.

I blame my dad and that brand-spanking new karaoke machine (with sweet digital dials) he brought home as a valentines gift to my mom in 1994 on how I discovered NU107 and how it played a special part in my life. (Ang haba ng sentence)

Unlike most kids during that time, I have parents who listen to rock. We have cassettes and old records of the Beatles, Asin, Ang Banyuhay, Journey, the Eagles among others - basically the videoke playlist staples. I remember my mom used to hum/sing "Something" by the Beatles to us as a lullaby.

Before, the only radio station I listen to was LSFM. I don't know why but maybe because bands like the Dawn, Introvoys, AfterImage get ample airtime. One afternoon, I toyed with the karaoke machine, accidentally tuned in to NU107 and heard my first Pantera song: "Cowboys from Hell".

More songs followed, louder and edgier than the previous one. The more I listen to NU, the more I ask "What else have I not listened to?". It was also convenient because Pinoy rock music was at its peak. I get to listen to songs from bands even before they were played on pop radio stations. I was already listening to other Yano songs even before "Banal Na Aso, Santong Kabayo" became well-known. I became the relatively popular rocker kid back in gradeschool. It helped that I know a lot of old rock music and name-dropped underground bands like Tribal Fish, Electric SkyChurch (before they dropped the "Electric"), Datu's Tribe, Keltscross, etc. like I live at Mayric's and goes on vacation at Club Dredd.

Except for Baron Barbers, Donna Cruz and Raymund Lauchengco, they played most of the songs I used to check on other stations so I did not bother changing frequencies.

It took me almost 4 years before I had the guts to call the station and request for a song. The show was Zach and Joey in the Morning and I requested "Sunog" by Rivermaya. It was embarrassing. I end up singing "wala si nanay, wala si tatay nasususnog ang bahay" because I forgot the title of the song. I thought I peed my pants and threw up in my mouth.

Late night drives around the metro with NU on the radio has been a ritual since 2006. Whenever I need to think or just get away from all the stresses in the world, I hop in my car, start the engine, turn on the radio and just drive to nowhere. My car instantly turns into a haven of peace, calm and quiet. That is why late night and graveyard shifts DJs have a special place in my heart.

DJ Shannen and other NU Jocks
photo taken from here

Last Saturday, I did just that, for the last time. I just drove and listened to DJ Shannen play her last sets of songs for her program. Sayang, nagpunta sana ako sa station noon, kahit na shawarma man lang, na-alok ko man lang siya as a sign of my appreciation. Not going there is, for now, my only regret in life.

Then Sunday.

I was there in front of the AIC Gold Tower. I listened to NU as DJs bid their goodbyes and play their farewell songs, songs that I'll probably never gonna hear be played on Manila radio for a long time or never again. It was like attending a funeral of a dear old friend. NU has been a part of my life for 16 years that is why it was really heartbreaking.

Many were emotional while the last song of NU, Ang Huling El Bimbo was playing until the Lupang Hinirang was over. We waited for another song... and I hoped for another song. But nothing else followed.

I drove home trying to recall what it feels like to drive while listening to NU with white noise on 107.5.

Heto Na Naman Tayo! Brownout!

2010-07-16T04:00:00.003+08:00

Though all I'm determined to do right now is to sleep through another shit-hole feeling, my mind with all its cluttered contents just won't let me relax. This is not healthy (not to mention sort of retarded) thing for a 20-something year old feeling sigang taga-Tondo to go through.

It is not the experience that I dread, but the gravity (or inconvenience) it brings during these crippling and debilitating times in my life. Drama? Oo kasi wala na namang kuryente!

I don't know how to segue so I could insert what my friend, Tinay (who have been the main recurring character in my recent entries) did in this blog post, but of all the women I know, she has the best sense of timing. Timing maka-gago:

I was with her last Tuesday at the balcony of the office she's temporarily assigned to, I was telling her how pissed I was at not being able to watch the World Cup Finals at the Sofitel when she suddenly blurted out"

"Hey you guy in the smoking area, I can see your eyes through those shades! So what if I'm wearing a Japanese school girl skirt in the office?"

photo taken from here

Happy Birthday Diana Christine Agawa Torres! I'm always on your 6, Boss. Hehehe!

The Happy Birthday Deal!

2010-07-13T19:22:00.015+08:00

I hate it when I say that I really like the song and my friend is all like "Yeah! Me too!". And then we listen to it together and I start singing along and she starts doing the same thing. And I look at her mouth and I can tell that she doesn't really know the lyrics of song because she says like something "ham and cheese drizzled with watermelon juice" over and over again convinced that I am not noticing that she's just singing it with the beat.

I notice. I always do because I am the knock-knock joke master and somewhere between that and lip-syncing absurdly obnoxious dishes lies the essence of this blog post.

Anyway, earlier, I met my friend, Tinay for lunch and since both of us are turning 24 years old (Nakanamp! Wala ng kokontra!) this month, our conversation brushed along the lines of "What to do in 5 years, before we turn 30 (Walang hihirit!). We turned it into a bet, the rules are quite complicated and boring. I'll just give you the list:

10 SMALL THINGS TO DO BEFORE 30

1. Make a scene in a small coffee shop (without being thrown out) and stay for full hour after.

2. Hit on a nun or a priest during a church-sponsored activity.

3. Skydive.

4. Win a game on either Wowowee or Eat Bulaga, dance with the ASF or the Sexbomb dancers and greet all the people we can remember on national TV including "Batang Zupah Ezquire" ng Tondo at the "D' Gr8 Suicide's" ng General Santos City.

5. Get drunk on champagne till pass out. This would be fun, guaranteed! High-class binge-drinking at its finnest. Ouch! My liver! My stomach!

6. Visit Japan and ask our favorite AV idol to sign our foreheads. Sora Aoi for me and Ameri Ichinose for Tinay.

7. Be on any form of media as an "expert". I don't know how could we possibly do that but it would be great, don't you think?

8. Run the 42 km without dying. Yeah, I blogged about joining it before but I found a lot of excuseS not to die. Hehehe!

9. Climb Mt. Pulag, do Jologs talk and then do 7 cartwheels in succession. I really don't know why cartwheels and why 7, but it sounded fun. I bet all coñotics there would go, "Ewww! They're so jologs ha! Seven!?"

photo taken from here

10. Hold a one-person rally against male circumcision or female vaginal wash at the Liwasang Bonifacio. We agreed not to do it infront of Mendiola Bridge because the stakes are not even, I am a Bedan. Hahaha!

Good News! Bad News!

2010-07-12T22:49:00.009+08:00

photo take from here

The good news is that I'm not dead yet. The bad news, from your perspective (Yes, you people who read this blog. Sobrang wala siguro kayong magawa sa buhay kaya pati blog ko binabasa ninyo. Hahaha!), is that I seem to have stopped blogging. I'm not sure why. This is not the first time that I stopped blogging and certainly not the first time I woke up from a blogging coma. I'd like to think that my blogging hiatus was planned out in advance but the truth is that sometimes it just happened. But since you, the readers of this blog, are intelligent (though I doubt it sometimes because you read my blog) I'll spare you from all the bullsh*t and not tell you these lame excuses for not writing:

I get easily overwhelmed because things happen fast (you should really be insulted if I use this as an excuse);
that recently, work consumes every second of my existence (because I religiously follow the Fifa World Cup matches even at 0230 H);
that I suddenly acquired privacy issues (not like I go emo-sh*t on people recently);
or 140 characters on Twitter scratch the writing itch (because IT DOESN'T! Not even close.)

Anyway, I guess "Life just gets in the way" most of the time. I haven’t made a post in almost 2 months. It is time to try and rectify that situation... I just don't know how. Hahaha! I redid the theme and banner of the blog hoping that it would give me the push to write sooner. But it did not. Hahaha!

I'm just gathering my writing mojos back. Hahaha!

A Petition To ABS-CBN For An Intelligent "Wowowee"

2010-05-18T14:21:00.032+08:00

It's been more than a week since we had our first ever automated elections. And since Filipinos are notoriously forgetful, many of us pursued the...hmmm ... Ano na nga ba ulit yung dapat na sasabihin ko?

Anyway!

Almost a week before the elections, Willie Revillame (the ever so humble host of "Wowowee") threatened the ABS-CBN management that he will never go back to Wowowee ever again if the network will not boot out Jobert Sucaldito (The Buzz showbiz reporter and dzMM radio host). Revillame sighted Sucaldito's "detrimental criticisms" against the noontime show's format as the reason behind his actions. As of press time, ABS-CBN has neither responded to Revillame's threat nor decided on the fate of their biggest money-maker, Wowowee.

As a relief, ABS-CBN put Robin Padilla as the temporary caretaker of the show to the ire of Jo Aurea Imbong, Kit Tatad, Opus Dei and the condom-hating members of the Withdrawal Advocates of the Philippines.

To ease pressure from anti-Binoi/condom groups, I sent a petition to ABS-CBN suggesting that they consider Gilbert "Gibo" Teodoro, Richard "Dick" Gordon and Manuel "Manny" Villar as replacements for Willie Revillame as hosts of Wowowee.

In my letter entitled "A Call For An Intelligent Noontime Show. A Petition to Replace Willie Revillame with Gilbert Teodoro, Richard Gordon and Manuel Villar as Hosts of Wowowee" that I sent to Ms. Charo Santos, President and COO of ABS-CBN through Ms. Cory Vidanes of TV Management,

I pointed out that Wowowee's programming has deteriorated because of its pretentious and arrogant approach to noontime entertainment and public service; and the incident that happened between Willie Revillame and Jobert Sucaldito was a reflection of that deterioration.

And for that reason, I suggested the idea of permanently replacing Willie Revillame with people of competence and integrity. Smart, funny, witty and in dire need of exposure (well maybe not Manny Villar), the 3 presidentiables-could-be-hosts will surely be a threat to the reigning, defending and undisputed noontime trio of Sen. Tito Sotto, Vic Sotto and Joey De Leon of Eat Bulaga.

I highlighted the strengths of the three:
GIBO: Has the ability and the intelligence turn menial things to something impressive just by stating "If it wasn't for my Harvard Education, this (blank) would not be possible"
DICK: His emotional unpredictability and explosiveness could turn dull things to something challenging and interesting.
MANNY: His masa-appeal makes him the franchise. His (make-belief) rags-to-riches story makes him relatable to the common tao. But I warned the ABS-CBN Management to be vigilant because Manny has a history of scheming with the enemy for self-gain.

With enough credentials far richer than that of the whole ticket of Partido ng Masang Pilipino, Gibo, Dick and Manny could just be the faces to spearhead the New Intelligent Noontime Television.

(ini-imagine ko yung tatlo na sabay-sabay na kumanta ng "Igiling-giling" Hahaha!)

(Suggestion ko na maglaro ng Hep-hep Hooray: Pastor Quiboloy, Mike Velarde, Satur Ocampo, Jovito Palparan, Ping Lacson, Alan Cayetano, Kris Aquino at Manny Pacquiao)